Campaign: Illumina
The twin goblin holymen Rammstein and Heinrich VanHalen are characterized by their devotion to faith and fitness. Indoctrinated into the church-business known as The Children of the Trident at a very early age, the inseparable pair have devoted their lives to spreading the good word of the Goddess Evra and sculpting their bodies.
Only Rammstein will talk to others; on the rare occasion Heinrich does speak, it is in a whispered tone directly to his partner. Patient, stubborn, and self-centered, the pair is exceedingly vain. Their interactions, both with each other and the world at large, are frequently accented with flexing and grunts. In almost any situation, the conversation will be steered towards their faith, their philosophies on the body, or the “essential oils” they insist is the key to both.
On the very rare occasion the two are forced apart, Rammstein has been known to become impatient, vindictive, and listless. In Rammstein’s absence Heinrich becomes aggressive and anxious, readily assaulting any who encroach on his unspoken boundaries.
As Evra is a goddess of pleasure in all its forms, her followers are quite diverse in their interpretation of her teachings. Rammstein and Heinrich find the greatest pleasure in pushing their bodies to their limits. Contrasting the usually short stature of goblins, both members of the pair stand at well over six feet tall. Their bodies are heavily muscled and scarred from two decades of constant self-inflicted abuse. Even in the cold of the Theamin Isles, the two abstain from wearing more than their training pants and footwraps. Almost every inch of their exposed skin save for the faces are tattooed with excerpts from Evra’s holy texts. These scriptures act as an arcane focus, and when the two coordinate their movements they are able to empower their spells with their raw physical strength. Together the pair act as a single individual, moving with an almost otherworldly harmony; it is as each knows the others movements before they are made. As the texts are shared between the two, when apart they are unable to cast spells at all.
Little is known of Rammstein and Henrich VanHalen’s early life. Orphaned at a young age the two goblins were left to fend for themselves on the streets on the Empire. Street fights and police brutality were commonplace, so to protect themselves and each other, the goblins trained. They pushed their bodies to their limits and kept pushing farther. Battered and downtrodden, the two found solace in each other. While the nature of their relationship is ambiguous to all but the goblins themselves, it is clear that the two have a connection that runs far deeper than blood. The only sure thing was their partner’s support.
That is, until a fateful encounter with a street preacher. Promised power, pleasure, and peace, Rammstein and Henrich were taken by the speaker’s message. Taken off the streets and brought into the folds of the Children of the Trident, the Goblins devoted their minds, bodies, and souls to the spread of their Goddess’s word.
Recognized for their fanatical devotion to the cause and intimidating stature, Rammstein and Heinrich were selected to be some of the first missionaries to the distant continent of Gottland. Along with a high ranking church official and a chemist, the Goblins were granted passage on one of the last colony ships from the Empire. Everything was going smoothly until a little sable-haired girl began to sing…
After a long and unpleasant boat ride from the Empire and a rapid string of near-death experiences, the Goblins and the rest of the Drifters arrived in Gottland. After their immediate survival was secured, Rammstein and Heinrich resumed their cult duties of pedaling their “essential oils”. In an attempt to help the blind gravekeeper Patches, the pair inadvertently afflicted him with a crippling drug addiction, and subsequently used him as an improvised projectile weapon against his own daughter.
Various cult related shenanigans ensued as the Children of the Trident made their way to and explored the city of Dalot. A night of prophetic visions and a surprise attack by the Usurper-God Cal’Codoth left the party in the throne room of the king of the land. After a long philosophical debate with King Dalot regarding the place of mortals and the complacency of the Gods, the stalemate was finally broken with Rammstein’s uncharacteristic declaration of “No gods, no kings, only MEN”.
Upon descending into the old world beneath the city, The Children quickly felt their connection to their beloved Goddess wane, until it was naught more than a whisper. In a land devoid of the one thing that gave their lives purpose, they fell into a depressed complacent, only exacerbated by Heinrich’s mortal wounding at the hands of the Apothecary Guardian. Even after Henrich was saved, the two never really felt the same. In the end, they abstained from participating in the final battle for Dalot, rammstein preferring to spend his last minutes with his partner in peace rather than war.
After Dalot was liberated adn Cal’Codoth banished for the time being, the Goblins retired from adventuring to open an alternative medicine dispensary/crossfit gym. The remain in Dalot with the rest of the cult, eternally hounding their fellow adventurer Reed Idtetson with promises of Gains and Glory in Evra’s scarlet light.
Drifters: A group of soft, pudgy skeptics. They are a means to an end, but the Goblins hope that they may provide a positive example for the correct way to live.
Tasma Greyhood: A high ranking member of the same faith, Rammstein and Heinrich regard Tasma with great respect and are always at her beck and call. Their relationship seems entirely professional.
Andal: A chemist, cleric and fellow Child of the Trident. The two seem to have met fairly recently, but like with Tasma, the Goblins serve Andal as bodyguards and backup. Unlike the unwavering respect shown for Tasma, the Goblins do not disguise their admonishment for Andal’s less-than-toned physique.
Sun: Her divinity is absolutely radiant. While they are eternally devoted to their Goddess, only a fool would shun the gifts of the deity. Evra works in mysterious ways; there is a very real possibility that this young girl is an unwitting messenger of the TRUE Divine.
Reed Idtentson: Weak, blasphemous, scrawny, rude, irreverent, unpleasant, unclean, squishy, smelly, soft, uncouth, lazy, no good, ner-do-well, dummkoph… The list could go on, and it will, once the Goblins find a thesaurus.